ASH WEDNESDAY
February 25, 2004
vol 15, no. 56

Out of the Mouths of Idiots
Editorial on

Time for 60 Minutes to Bench Andy Rooney!
After the asinine commentary CBS' Andy Rooney delivered Sunday Night, Gabriel Garnica takes him to task with a parody of Rooney's own smug own style in exposing the absolute idiocy of this over-the-hill village idiot who needs to be benched permanently, especially for his latest remarks and blasphemy. If Jimmy the Greek, Al Campanis, Rush Limbaugh and a host of others can lose their jobs for far less offensive remarks, then Andy Rooney needs to get the axe immediately, if not sooner.

      And now,
      a minute with
      Gabriel Garnica:

   It doesn't seem right, but a lot of stupidity from a lot of idiots has been in the media lately. This stupidity has taken the form of attacks, insults, and mockery of religion, Christianity, The Gospels, Mel Gibson and, of course, Mel's 'The Passion of The Christ.' Now, we cannot possibly go over all of the idiots and stupidity here. After all, we would need a mini-series to do that! No, we will have to focus our discussion here to perhaps the oldest idiot, one Andy Rooney of the very popular 60 Idiots, er, 60 Minutes program.

   Now, let's see (taking a look at some newspapers in front of him). Here we have a story from 1992 on how Andy offended Native-Americans, here is another one from 2002 on how he offended female sports reporters, and here is another one from 1990 where it says that Andy was suspended by CBS for a while for a comment attributed to him in which he deeply offended African-Americans by saying that the less intelligent ones have the most kids and therefore water down their gene pool. Wow, that was a doozey! Imagine where Mel Gibson would be if he ever said that! Rooney denied ever saying that, and there was no tape of the interview.

   Don Hewitt, the executive producer of 60 Idiots, there I go again, 60 Minutes, said, "I'm interested in what Andy says on this broadcast, which I edit. I'm not his father or his mother." Humm, so much for consequences for having a big mouth and an empty brain!

   It says here that Suzan Shown Harjo, in response to Andy offending Native-Americans with remarks in 1992, stated "Mr. Rooney has had considerable experience in the areas of public ignorance, arrogance, and apology." When Andy remarked that women sideline sports reporters were clueless about sports, Martha Burk of the National Council of Women's Organizations remarked, "It's beneath a major television personality to denigrate anybody who is trying to do his or her job and is doing it well. It surprises me that any public figure would have the insensitivity and or bigoted position to come out publicly that way." Hey, isn't Mel just doing his job as best he can when he directs a movie?

   Now I am not here to downplay Andy's past journalistic achievements. Take a look at this photo (holding an old photo of Andy with Edward R. Murrow). It seems Andy made quite a name for himself as part of the famed and respected (something Rooney has totally lost) CBS Edward R. Murrow World War II bunch. Seems our old boy has been willing to step into it his entire career! The problem is that he was stepping into journalistic history then and he is just stepping into doodoo now. From reporting next to perhaps the greatest journalists of all time, Andy has fallen to being highlighted in Famousidiot.com, which celebrates the art of confusing fame with wisdom. The so-called "beloved curmudgeon" who reaches millions, it seems, is nothing but an ex-journalist turned village idiot with a village, and income, in the millions. Hey, I don't blame Andy for seeing a good gig when he finds one. After all, who is more idiotic, Andy for spilling his rubbish weekly or CBS for paying him very well for doing and defending him when he steps on toes? Considering CBS's famed bias against religion, Christianity, and conservative values, there should be no surprise here!

   Now, I am no profound professor of wisdom, but didn't I once hear that Andy proclaimed himself to be an agnostic? Now, let's see..(looking at a dictionary). An "agnostic" is someone who says that it is impossible to know for sure if there is, in fact, a God. Well, Andy just told us last week that God spoke to him and told him that Mel Gibson was a "wacko", "nutcase" and "mistake" of creation. Well, there you go! Andy must no longer be an agnostic, being that God actually deemed to speak to him! How can Andy ever doubt the existence of God again given his one-on-one with The Creator of The Universe!

   Now, let's see here, (looking at some papers) It seems that Andy has criticized The Catholic Church for emphasizing sin, priestly celibacy, not permitting female priests, and disfavoring contraception. So we have an agnostic telling The Catholic Church how to do things, very interesting! So we have someone who has offended everyone under the sun, who claims to be an agnostic, speaking with God about who is a wacko and who is a mistake of creation! This is getting funnier by the minute! Hey, maybe CBS has something here. This guy is really funny! Let's see, Mel Gibson is a nut and Andy Rooney is "beloved", boy, is the media a joke or what!

   Andy remarked that he would like to ask Mel Gibson "How many millions of dollars does it look as if you're going to make off the crucifixion of Christ?" I would ask Andy, "How many millions of dollars does it look as if you're going to make off your blatantly idiotic, ignorant, offensive opinions over the years?" Andy once suggested his own shortened, simpler Commandments, cutting down the 10 to 7 simplified versions such as "Don't swear", "Don't steal" and "Don't Lie". He also suggested, "Don't pray to a statue" revealing a Protestant leaning. I would suggest that Andy add an eighth commandment, namely, "Don't listen to a highly paid ignorant old fool's dribble."

   Well, that's all the time I have for today. Oh, just one more thought, "Did you ever notice how ignorance, bias, and stupidity always seem to rise to the top in the media? I hate when that happens.

Gabriel Garnica


    February 25, 2004
    vol 15, no. 56
    Concise, hard-hitting editorials on HOT ISSUES