I know that we have all wondered just how the Catholic faith has been able to survive all of these years without the transcendent wisdom of The New Order. Why, it is truly a miracle that anyone could find the path to salvation given the traditional Ten Commandments given to Moses by God Almighty. How much easier that road, how much wider that narrow way to paradise would have been had The New Order been there from day one, ready to translate, define, apply, and twist God's Code into the shapes so conducive to The New Order's agenda! Maybe Moses wouldn't have been receptive to The New Order's Suggestions, but he hadn't been dumbed down as much as this generation.
That is why this generation has bought lock, stock and barrel the lie which today is no longer a lie, but a truth of The New Order.
Here then below you will find The New Order's version of God's Code.
It is clear that, within a few weeks after this much awaited release, all of the sin, suffering, immorality, corruption and dysfunction of our world will be eliminated once it is given a dose of New Order mentality! Why what would happen to true Christianity when they are misled into thinking they don't need the Cross.
With The New Order who needs to be negating sin, who needs Christ? We are our own gods. We can do anything. That innovative mentality is seen in the upfront change from the term "Commandments," which implies a narrow-minded absoluteness and strictness, which just does not fit The New Order and also hampers divine unity and togetherness. The new term, "Suggestions," recognizes that we are all good and deserving of respect and therefore only need a nudge to trigger our divine inner goodness and correctness.
The First Suggestion: I am Your God...Thou shalt shape Me into whatever form thou is in the mood for.
Finally! The solution to all of mankind's problems so simply put! How can a one-size-fit-all-God make anybody upset? The truth and validity of The Pan-Religion and the Ecumenical movement finally shown! God is the center of the wheel of religion wherein all spokes end up in the same place! Why push anyone to convert to any faith, especially the One True Faith founded by the Son of God, when we should all hold hands and hum to release our inner divinity! Saying that the Catholic Faith is the only True Faith is like saying that Vanilla is the only true ice cream flavor; how insane to modern ears! There is no such thing as "strange gods before Me" since I can be shaped into those gods at will. I can be found in everything from a horizon to a ham sandwich. You can even twist me into yourself and therefore justify and rationalize pretending to be Me. Eventually, this rationalizing society will twist Me into a pretzel until children no longer see Me.
The Second Suggestion: You can call Me anything you want but do not mention My Name anywhere in public out of respect to sensitive atheists, agnostics, and lawyers.
If people just followed this suggestion nobody would have to watch what they say or do in public. The Pledge of Allegiance and our money would not mention Me causing people to get upset and wasting so much time with the courts who are working so feverishly to eliminate Me anyway.
The Third Suggestion: Remember Thou to Attend My weekly parties
One of the reasons behind falling Church attendance is that Mass has become a boring 'wine and cheese' reception when it should be left to the people to do what they want. If they want to be entertained, they should be entertained if you want to keep them there. If a parish wants to have a Mass with lightshow and dancing, well, let 'em as long as the 'unity of the community' is not disturbed. The New Order is all about novelty and innovation. The more different and bizarre the better, again, as long as the 'unity of the community' is kept.
And if you have to work or want to party on the Sabbath, whose to stop you. Party hardy and imbibe. Be "in" with the crowd. Mix it up and live for the moment. You only go around once in life.
The Fourth Suggestion: Respect and Honor all Authority
We must silently listen, obey, and respect all authority, be it the state or society we live in. Our parents are merely biological discharge units who's sole purpose is to bring their child into the wonderful new world where they can join the flow of robots. We do not need parental consent for things like abortion because, ultimately, the state or society is our real parent and it does not matter what our parents say. After all, the state or society is a better parent because it is cool and lets us do whatever we want when we want. Since when did the government tell you when to go to bed? Again you're the boss, do your own thing as long as it's politically correct.
The Fifth Suggestion: Thou shall be Pro-Choice
As long as you talk in terms of "choice", "freedom", and "quality of life", it is ok to believe that abortions, euthanasia, contraception and cloning are moral. My life and body belong to me and I can do whatever I choose to do with them. It is ok to vote for politicians who claim to be Catholic and are Pro-Choice because that is their business. So back off on John Kerry if you know what's good for you.
The Sixth Suggestion: Your Body is a Temple and you should invite everyone you know to religious services at your Temple on a regular basis
This is Hugh Hefner's favorite suggestion and with good reason. What is life if not pleasure and happiness and what can bring more pleasure and happiness than rampant and unlimited promiscuity and lust? Each of our bodies is a sacred vessel and a place of worship and therefore anyone trying to limit sexuality or pleasure is out of touch and old-fashioned. Contraception and "pregnancy termination" are the before and after twins ready to avoid or eliminate any "slipups" on the road to self. Chastity and purity only create loners who are not in unity with the community.
The Seventh Suggestion: Thou shalt not get caught stealing
It is ok to take things just as long as you do not let yourself get caught doing it. Anyone who steals and gets away with it is entitled to his or her gain but anyone who gets caught stealing deserves to be punished unless they can come up with a valid reason for stealing. This goes for corporate types and ecclesiastical types who use funds from the collection to pay off money for abusers. Remember, it's wrong and you have to give the impression you are sorry only if you get caught.
The Eighth Suggestion: Thou shalt not get caught lying
This was always Bill Clinton's favorite suggestion and most all of the politicians, and, sadly, so many bishops. We all tell little lies from time to time, but the bigger the lie the more you must make sure not to get caught lying. You must use denials, semantics, rationalizations and excuses rather than openly admit to lying. Ambiguity is a great way to get around a lie.
Again, lying is not as bad as getting caught lying! And if you get caught, just cover that with another lie. It's worked for those pushing the reforms of Vatican II.
The Ninth Suggestion: Lusting never hurt anyone
If God did not want us to lust, He would not have given us eyes! How can we cope with everyday living if we don't have impure thoughts to give us pleasure? Hey, it's better than going out and raping someone. Rationalization rules supreme in The New Order Rules.
The Tenth Suggestion: Love Things and Use People
The old-fashioned types tell us to love people and use things, but they have things the wrong way. The New Order pushes us to love objects and manipulate people to get those objects. Anything from fraud to abortion is justified if it is for the purpose of getting ahead in life. After all, isn't that what's most important? I mean after this life, what have you?
That is the question everyone should ask if they entertain any of the suggestions above or if they think one can attain glory without the Cross. It cannot be done. With these Ten Suggestions, I hope and pray you will take the best suggestion I could give you: disregard everyone of them, embrace the Ten COMMANDMENTS, and ask God for forgiveness. Remember Jesus said your sins are forgiven under the condition that you go and SIN NO MORE!