   
The Poison of The Hypocrite
I would like to thank all of the idiots, hypocrites, biased morons, pathetic secular scholars, shrill political leaders posing as religious leaders and those betraying, cowardly ecclesiastics posing as Catholics. I could not have conceived of this idea were it not for you.
"One of my opponents even discovered that my father does not like idiots, liars, morons, pathetic secular scholars, and the like and has proceeded to use this against me as proof that my movie is out to get them. One of them has even tried to persuade the President of The United States to make a disclaimer asserting that the government does not recognize any effort to discredit idiots, morons, pathetic scholars, and the like and does not hold them responsible for the dumbing down of this country."
I thank you all for attending my press conference. I will make this short and to the point.
I have decided to begin working immediately on a motion picture. I will call it The Poison of The Hypocrite. It will be my vision of the last 12 days before the release of Mel Gibson's The Passion of The Christ.
The Accusations Will Fly
I have been advised not to bring my artistic vision to the big screen because many will see my creation as Anti-stupid and likely to lead to widespread violence and assaults upon idiots, hypocrites, biased morons, pathetic secular scholars, shrill political leaders posing as religious leaders, and betraying, cowardly ecclesiastics posing as Catholics. An early script was stolen by a very upright and moral person who feels it is ok to steal when necessary. A bunch of idiots, morons, hypocrites, pathetic secular scholars, shrill political leaders posing as religious leaders, and betraying, cowardly ecclesiastics posing as Catholics were gathered to review this illegally obtained script and declared that, yes, my movie definitely made them look bad because it exposed how stupid, hypocritical, etc, they really were. In fact, one of these idiots even declared, "Mr. Garnica will have to answer to a higher authority than us idiots, morons, and hypocrites if this all leads to widespread realization that we are idiots, morons, hypocrites, cowards, etc."
One of my opponents even discovered that my father does not like idiots, liars, morons, pathetic secular scholars, and the like and has proceeded to use this against me as proof that my movie is out to get them. One of them has even tried to persuade the President of The United States to make a disclaimer asserting that the government does not recognize any effort to discredit idiots, morons, pathetic scholars, and the like and does not hold them responsible for the dumbing down of this country.
And This Will Lead to a New Crusade
I expect that now that it has become fashionable to be deeply offended upon any negative portrayal on the silver screen, other groups will be ready to stand up and protest for their cause as well. Parents will protest any movie wherein any parents appear to be mean, strict, stubborn, or human. Blondes will likewise protest any movie, which makes Blondes look foolish, or naïve. Many people will likely sue any motion picture, which portrays cavemen as unable to speak fluent English, cook, write poetry, or drive safely.
In fact, any movie, which makes any member of any group look bad, must immediately be stopped before serious harm is inflicted upon the societal structure of our country. In other words, let us just stop all movie and television work since everything ever put on a screen makes somebody somewhere somehow look bad! After all, do you know how foolish coyotes look when Bugs Bunny makes that one coyote look bad? People might get the wrong impression and think that all coyotes are stupid. Come to think of it, people might also get the wrong impression that all rabbits are troublemakers and speak with a Brooklyn accent unless we immediately cease all Bugs Bunny movies and episodes! You see, our poor public does not have enough brains to see that particular characters in a movie or even in historical accounts do not represent or characterize entire populations, religions, and cultures. What a pity that our society is so stupid and naïve!
Another area where a dangerous trend may develop occurs when critics do not believe in or agree with one's sources for a movie. If my critics do not believe in or legitimize my sources for a motion picture, they will ridicule and attempt to tear down my creation immediately! Therefore, from this point on, the source for all movies and art must be legitimized and accepted by all people at all times, lest views and beliefs contrary to those of critics actually enter the public forum! Finally, it appears that extreme, ignorant, radical hypocrisy must now be practiced by as many pompous, arrogant fools as possible, as this seems to have become a popular trend of late. I therefore expect some jackass with four PhDs, ten books, and a multitude of profoundly sounding articles to speak out against my movie, buttressed by the fact that the media calls him or her "an eminent scholar" in a given area. This is the same media that called The DaVinci Code "impeccably researched", so we can really lend much weight to what our profound media says about any so-called expert, scholar, or writing!
Tell My Critics to Duck
If Mel Gibson's experience has taught us anything, it is that faith, character, truth, influence, money, and determination combined with Divine Inspiration and Assistance will always overrun stupidity, arrogance, bias, ignorance, political correctness, and sinister, satanic inspiration and motives every time! Given the tremendous example, courage, character, and faith of Mel, I would tell the ignorant, arrogant idiots attacking my movie to duck and, for once in their lives, pray for mercy and forgiveness!
That is the end of this press conference. I have a movie to do. Oh, and thank you for providing such an imaginative, unbelievable script. It will truly be a fantasy, maybe even a horror story. Now. Ready, crew. All quiet on the set. Camera! Scene 1. Roll 'em!
Gabriel Garnica
Editor's Note: We are pleased to announce Gabriel Garnica will be contributing many articles in 2004. Heaven is once again under attack by those who would seek to ignore and overthrow God's majesty and authority. Gabriel Garnica, educator and attorney, will submit regular insights and commentaries to remind and help guide readers toward a deeper and more assertive faith. Touching on topics and issues ranging from personal faith, doctrine, education, scripture, the media, family life, morality, and values, Gabriel's notes will be music to traditional ears but unpleasant tones to those who have bought into the misguided notions so prevalent and spreading in today's Catholic world.
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