February 18: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Heaven! (35lightt.htm)

The Lighter Side

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Heaven!

Yesterday's issue featured Saint Dominic in our HISTORY OF THE MASS AND HOLY MOTHER CHURCH section and so we bring you this bit o' wit today:
A man, curious about religious orders, approached a Dominican friar: "What can you tell me about the Dominicans?"
"Well, in short, we were founded by St. Dominic as an answer to the Albigensians," replied the friar.
"What about the Jesuits?"
"They were founded by St. Ignatius of Loyola as a response to the Protestant Reformation."
"So which is the greater order?"
The Dominican pondered for a second, then replied, "Well, when was the last time you met an Albigensian?"
Speaking of Jesuits who are called "teachers" and Dominicans who are called "preachers", the question arises: If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
Keeping in that vein, we bring you more puzzlers that could be considered hybrid oxymorons by morons but definitely not for morons.

Still More Questions to tax the brain...or a bit o' wit titled: Didja ever just wonder why..?

WHY IS IT...
...there is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger and no apple nor pine in pineapple?

...that English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France?

...that sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat?

...that Quicksand can work slowly?

...that Boxing rings are square?

...that a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig?

...that writers write, but fingers don't fing?

...that Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

...that if the plural of tooth is teeth, why the plural of booth isn't beeth?

...that if it's one goose and 2 geese that it's not one moose and two meese?

...that you can make amends but not one amend?

...that you may comb through the annals of history but never a single annal?

...that you wrote a letter, but never bote your tongue?

...that You recite at a play and play at a recital?

...that you ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

...that noses run and feet smell?

...that you park on driveways and drive on parkways?

...that a slim chance and a fat chance can be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites?

...that overlook and oversee are opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

...that weather can be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

...that a house can burn up as it burns down or an alarm clock goes off by going on or wind up a watch to start it, but wind up an essay or talk to end it?

...that you fill in a form by filling it out?

...that when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN...
...a horseful carriage, as compared to a horseless one?

...a strapful gown as opposed to a strapless?

...a sung hero as opposed to an unsung one?

...someone who experienced requited love as opposed to unrequited love?

...someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable?

...someone who was a spring chicken or would actually hurt a fly?

...someone who bought a pant?
HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED...
...why if vegetarians eat vegetables, what humanitarians eat?

...why English speakers should not be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane?
Finally, if you start with a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one, what do you call it?

**February 18, 1998 volume 9, no. 35 DAILY CATHOLIC - The Lighter Side**