DAILY CATHOLIC for February 4
The Lighter Side
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vol, 9
no. 25

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Heaven!

      So many times people, when congregating together will ask, "Didja ever wonder why...?" It conjures up guffaws as well as blank looks, but it does get you thinking. Therefore, we've got a slew of them and we bring you some of the puzzlers week with the rest next week. We begin with the story of a man, who was curious about religious orders. He approached a Dominican friar: "What can you tell me about the Dominicans?" "Well, in short, we were founded by St. Dominic as an answer to the Albigensians," replied the friar. "What about the Jesuits?" "They were founded by St. Ignatius of Loyola as a response to the Protestant Reformation." "So which is the greater order?" asked the questioner. The Dominican pondered for a second, then replied, "Well, when was the last time you met an Albigensian?"

Questions to ponder by pandering with punders...or: Didja ever just wonder why...
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
  • Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
  • How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  • If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
  • Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
  • Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do orientals throw hamburgers?
  • Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
  • Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
  • Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
  • Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
  • Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
  • Who is general failure and why is he reading my disk?
  • The light went out, but where to?
  • Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
  • Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
  • If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
  • If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
  • What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
  • If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
  • Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
  • When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a nearmiss?? It more likely should be called a "near hit!"
  • Do fish get cramps after eating?
  • Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"?
  • Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
  • Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
  • Why is the alphabet in that order?

February 4, 1998 volume 9, no. 25
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Heaven!

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