My dear friends,
I never thought I would write to you again, but here I am.
It may be a letter written one word, line, or paragraph at a time, but if I can put a few words together, I will.
For all who prayed and continue to pray for me, "Thank You" from the bottom of my heart.
For all who help financially I also "Thank You" from the bottom of my heart.
Both are vital to us right now, for as you might imagine satan loves to create chaos and he does it splendidly. I had a great deal of trouble this past weekend with blood clots and narrowly escaped one breaking off, which would have killed me.
The blood clots affected my catheter, and we had to send for the Hospice Nurse four times over the weekend before the problem was properly dealt with on Sunday morning.
On Sunday, the feast of Christ the King satan blocked my catheter with blood clots and succeeded. Another nurse had to be called. Nothing could make the clots break up. By the time the nurse took care of the problem, I had
ruined my little bit of energy for God alone knows how long I have left to spend before dying.
You never quite expect what piece of the cross He will ask you to carry. I never expected to become an invalid. I am. The incident on the Feast of Christ the King will long last in my spotty memory. There was so much to clean up, including pulling my bed clothes off and washing them, and a lot more that I went past fatigue into exhaustion so completely I came within an tenth of a inch of having a stroke, and going back into a coma as I turned blue.
Yep, I started turning blue and my son Kevin got me in bed, and took care of most of the cleaning up that still needed to be done.
So, a great lesson I learned: I am an invalid. From now on my exercise will consist of having help getting out of bed and into my wheelchair (which our ragdoll cat Misha has claimed as his own!) and I can sit with my feet slightly raised for a few minutes - and I do mean a few - maybe five to ten if I am lucky that day.
Our son caught us and Misha (laying out on the porch bench between us) tending to our flowers and plants and I wanted to share that with you. Most of the flowers were a birthday present from a generous friend who wanted to give me something she really thought would be special and my Michael has nourished them all with love, which is quite something considering he has a green thumb and before now knew nothing about flowers. I share the fruits of his work in the enclosed photos.
As you can see I'm confined to a wheelchair. I admit it is really hard on me to adjust to being an invalid, to being utterly breathless from the moment I get up until I go back to bed and take a huge four hour nap, something I definitely need. My body collapsed on Sunday with near kidney failure, and I was determined to beat it, to not to go back into a hospital setting. But I did great harm to myself on Sunday, yet I believe the problem with the blood clots was cured because my loving husband Michael went to Mass on the Feast of Christ the King. I made him leave me in the capable hands of the Hospice Nurse, although he was horribly reluctant to do so.
In the time since my release from the hospital and being at home on Hospice Home Health, the one thing that has not changed are the bills. We try to pay them a little bit at a time, but they don't want that minimum payment. So, they want the whole thing in full, or it goes to collection and there goes our excellent credit rating. Mike is working right now to arrange something, but it is truly taxing. Yes, the pun is intended.
The above must sound worldly, and it is, but Christ commands that we render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's (even if we consider it usury), and to God the things that are God's. Because of the intensity of my fever with this kidney failure and my breathing problems, I must mention that quite a number of gray cells met their death, and I am no longer capable of doing any of the smallest task. I am so out of breath just being rolled out onto our front porch, that I make it for no more than a few minutes and have to go back to bed where I turn over and sleep.
I mentioned our porch which Mike has meticulously made into what we lovingly call our "celestial soularium" where the flowers bloom, thanks to a birthday present from a generous soul who made it possible to purchase them so I would have my garden without having to go down stairs which I am no longer able to do. Mike keeps asking me what he needs to prune and when to water, but I think he's done a very good job though he admits gardening has never been his forte.
My dear friends, I know that God has a reason for me still being alive, and keeping me that way. He did it again on His Great Feast as Christ the King, when the Hospice Nurses told me I should have gone into a coma from which I'd not recover. But I didn't. I'm here. I may be an invalid, but I can still get some prayers in, and I do try even though it is so much harder now with the brain damage because I keep forgetting the words of such familiar prayers.
Pray especially for Mike. He has taken over all the small but important tasks I used to do, plus trying to make sure the DailyCatholic stays on line, even in abbreviated form, and his catching up on email correspondence as well as tweeting to stay in touch. I can see the fatigue on his face, and the determination on his face that by golly I'm not getting out of bed, or doing one thing I'm not supposed to.
No husband could take better care of his wife. He is there for me through it all, the pain and the better days, feeding me with new recipes for hamburger. He does such a good job with his recipes that the angels of Heaven are definitely in the kitchen helping him. He'll be the first to admit that because prior to my becoming incapacitated, he had only cooked one meal for me in nearly 33 years, and that was while we were still courting!
I mentioned the fatigue on his face. It is definitely there from worry for me, but also because of the mounting bills. We are not talking small change here. These places, hospitals, and the care I receive at home come with a high cost, and try as we might, we cannot keep up with them, plus our regular monthly expenditures. This is the stress that is slowly killing Mike, and sneaking up on me so that the next time I have trouble with my heart, lungs, kidneys, etc., it will be my end as well. Now if that's what God wants so be it.
But I am in full agreement with my husband and the totally confused medical profession, all who say "God isn't finished with you yet." In fact, I do owe the pulmonologist at the hospital a visit so he can see for himself that I not only lived, but am still living. Yet, knowing God isn't finished with me yet. I will do my part by being an invalid hidden soul, who tries to pray always, and who most definitely offers all the pains and sorrows of this illness to God for His Honor and Glory, and the conversion of sinners. And, He knows that I will do absolutely everything and anything for him. I'm currently and quietly working on the conversion of the Hospice worker who comes to help me for two hours every day. Pray for her conversion please.
Please hear my plea, my prayer. May it take root in the heart of your soul and grow and become wisdom in your mind. If you can help us financially you know how much that will mean to us and help keep collection agencies from breathing down our necks. Our electricity bill more than doubled because of the oxygen condenser I must be on 24 hours a day. Mike needs oxygen through the night while sleeping, but not during the day, yet.
The around-the-clock oxygen and care are a necessity and I can see the concern in Mike's demeanor for he realizes that just one night without oxygen would be my total downfall, so that has to effect his sleeping habits as well. My immune system is so broken it is impossible to restore it. My strength, stamina, and energy are exhausted and might be gone for good. Mike gets up earlier than yours truly and is there by my side the moment I stir. He rightly reproaches me when I apologize that I must be a burden to him, for he said there is nothing he wouldn't do for me. He is there for me whenever I need him, and, I might add, he tries to be there for you as well because he is working to make the DailyCatholic as relevant as he can once I am settled. While he'd like to spend more time at the computer, his own health is beginning to catch up with him, though he won't outrightly admit that.
Yes, we desperately need your prayers which I remind you shall be rewarded a hundred fold.
We also desperately, and I repeat the word desperately need your help financially. Without your help, the days of the DailyCatholic could be numbered, and that idea, of itself, because he has devoted the last twenty-three years to reaching souls, could have such a negative effect on Mike that he might pass to eternal life before me. And the bills will still be there, and I have no way of even putting a plea on the DailyCatholic if that were to happen since Mike has always been the webmaster and I know nothing about html formatting.
It's the holiday season according to the world. I pay no attention to the world because I know satan is running the show, and I have nothing to do with the evil one. Those bills I was telling you about, the ones still owed have mounted up to where they cost more today than it would to have bought a home when I was a child.
I admit each day I feel more like a child, unable to do the normal things I used to do so effortlessly. I thank Mike for correcting all the typos in this because just hitting keys on the keyboard are not as easy as they once were. It's so easy to take things for granted and too often we all tend to do that, especially in taking for granted that salvation is ours just because we are Catholic. Salvation is not automatic and, as Mike reminded me when he read me St. Paul's words about "with fear and trembling work out your salvation.", it seems the closer I near my own particular judgment, the more I fear I will not be worthy. My confessor has told me that's normal, but it's a reminder how child-like I need to be to be truly ready.
And it is in that child-like manner I come to you, my friends, to ask your charity.
Please help! You are more than friends. You comprise our earthly family who we wish to meet one day in Heaven. Remember, all donations are welcome, no matter how small or large. And each one will receive God's hundred-fold promise, and a tax exemption for this fiscal year for your tax return. No, it's not much to comfort you, but it is a comfort to those of you who have faith in Christ's promises, TRUST in His promises, and are fully aware that His Charity doesn't begin and end with a hundred-fold reward, but, oh, so many sublime graces. I wish you could see these graces showering down on all of you. What a gift God gives to us. And, yes, He allows these trials to test us in our Faith.
I beseech you from the bottom of the heart of my soul to be generous, to help us in our hour of need. It will most certainly make your Christmas plans more pleasing to God, and sanctifying to your soul and the souls for whom you pray, and for whom we pray too. No one is excluded from my humble prayers...no one!
Mike said he'll place the link to the page for donations below my letter. I hope you'll at least take a look and have it in your heart to respond accordingly.
Thank you for reading this first letter to you. It only took me a week to type it. Maybe next time it will take me less time, and I'll have better news to share concerning myself. Who knows, God may hear all your prayers and will continue to keep me alive so as to confound the medical profession, while bringing delight to my family and, hopefully, our readers.
This November, take time each day to pray for the holy souls who languish so in the fires of Purgatory. Oh, I pray you'll pray for my soul once I'm gone because I realize no one in the Church Suffering can do anything during that time of making reparation for our sins here on earth in order to be purified and worthy to enter into the presence of the Beatific Vision.
That is why it is so vital we pray for those souls while we still can. And while we still can, each and every one of us should thank God each and every day for giving us another day to give Him honor and glory. The more we do that, the more we will be prepared for that moment when He calls us to judgment. Oh, with each passing day I realize how final that is and pray I'll be prepared. I also pray constantly that all of you are prepared as well.
God bless and keep each one of you and thank you for your prayers and donations in countless ways. May Our Blessed Mother wrap each of you in Her Immaculate Mantle, where she may teach us and lead us to true humility and sublime charity. I thank you for your help and prayers. I know you are my family, and I have total faith in you, and TRUST in God's Infinite Mercy and Promises, and His Charity, which he commands us to imitate.
Yours in Jesus through Mary,
Click above to show your Charity